My Season Isn’t

Like many other women in the United States world, I am affected by depression.  Maybe you wouldn’t have guessed that about me, maybe you would have.  It doesn’t change what is true: I have it.  And it gets worse in the fall time.  And even worse than that in the winter.  Mind you, I’m not the woman with black curtains, refusing to leave her house but I’ve felt like her.  And it’s scary.

I’m sinking into a rut and I’m trying my damnedest to halt these feelings of vacancy.  Have I been making a true, real attempt to make some friends here?  A half-assed one, yes.  I know I’m capable of making friends but I’m lacking something.  I think I’m lacking confidence to put myself out there and be comfortable in the “meeting-new-people” game.  When did I get so out of practice with this? 

I moved away from my friends no less than 7 months ago and I still don’t really have a tried-and-true friend here in Iowa City.  I’m starting to feel discouraged, which downward spirals and ends in a faceplant in Seasonal Depression’s lap.  One doubtful question leads into many and just when I think I can’t take it anymore I sit up.  I take a step back.  And look at the big picture.

I’m not the only one who has moved from a very comfortable place (for me, Cedar Falls) to a new place.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who has ever found it hard to meet new people and truly befriend them.  But here I sit, in my own company, wondering why I’m not out having a Halloween blast.

I chalk it up to “This isn’t my season.”  Excuses…

I know I’m good conversation.  I know I’m a good friend.  It’s not that I’m “ineligible”, I just can’t seem to find the people!

I have to tell the whole truth in this, though:  I’m still mourning the loss of a best friend.  No, the former friend wasn’t severed from “Best Friend-dom” by death but by a horrific argument that was akin to death.  I won’t divulge gruesome details (let’s just say it was a true bitchfight) and I will admit that I was not at my finest but I lost Maggie about two years ago.  Gone.  About six years of friendship just erased from the map!  We aren’t even Facebook friends.

We met in middle school and just clicked.  Our friendship grew throughout high school and by the time college came, we were still inseparable, even though we lived in different states.  Then she moved to Cedar Falls and it was bliss again!  But, wait, we decided to *gasp* become roommates.  And that, I believe, is what threw momma from the train. 

I miss her dearly.  But I know we can never be friends again.  Too much water under the bridge.  Too much time has passed.  But, still…

How do I move from that to a “Let’s meet new  people!” mindset?

I’m stuck, guys.  I need some guidance and some reassurance. 

Also?  I want to reassure you that I’m not a shut-in, that, in general, I am social.  I just need a “best friend”.  Who isn’t Jay…

Advice, please!

6 thoughts on “My Season Isn’t

  1. Chibi Jeebs says:

    I really wish I had an easy answer for you. However, unless you’re one of those lucky gregarious people who make friends every time they turn around, there IS no easy answer. I know people like to recommend taking a class or joining a book club or hanging out at a coffee shop, but as a shy introvert, none of those things work for me — I’m not an extrovert: I just play one on the internet. 😉 Actually, I think that’s why I tend to gravitate towards online friendships — somehow they feel *easier* to me. At the same time, you can’t take your internet BFF out for coffee, so there are definite limitations.

    God, sorry to be Debbie Downer when you’re looking for advice, but I mostly wanted to let you know you’re not alone. I’m gonna go be negative on the internet somewhere else now… *blush*

  2. Miss Britt says:

    Sorry, sweetie. You can’t just go out and get a best friend. BELIEVE ME.

    Almost all of my current local friends came from the Internet. That’s probably not very helpful. 😦

  3. avitable says:

    Just put an ad in Craigslist:

    “Needed: One best friend. Must be there for good times and bad. Must support me when I need it and tell me I’m being an idiot when I am. Must love me unconditionally. In return, I promise to be there for the 3 AM phone call, love unconditionally even when you’re driving me crazy, and help you move if you break up with someone.

    Disease and drug free. No Canadians please.”


  4. Bre says:

    Thank you 3 for commenting. I know more people read this than just you guys so combined I feel loads better knowing people even *care*… 🙂
    I’m feeling more optimistic already!
    PS Adam– “…Disease and drug free. No Canadians please.” HILARIOUS!

  5. Selma says:

    In Australia we don’t put ‘No Canadians please’ in our ads – we put “No freakin’ New Zealanders.” Hehe.

    You have a lot to offer as a friend, Bre. I know that just from reading your blog. It is hard to make new friends when you move and sometimes loneliness bites, but the good thing is that a new friend can come along when least expected. What about people at work? What about people who live in the same town as you who are on Facebook or Twitter? Is there a local book group? I met a couple of really nice people through my yoga class.

    Go out there and give it a try. You have a lot to offer!

    • Bre says:

      Thanks SO much for that! I needed to hear that I’m not a total “dud” bc I’m all-work-no-play of late. I’ve made a new chummy girl friend this week and totally have a “ho-mance” happening w/ her… We have a dessert-baking date on Saturday w/ a strong chance of cheap wine. 🙂

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