There aren’t words.

I can barely formulate any words besides “I love you” and “I don’t know”.  At times I can’t breathe.  At times I’m comatose with emotions and being drained- physically and mentally.  I’m here with Jay’s mom and sister.  They’ve beat me to the punch, posting their thoughts and feelings. 

I, legally, cannot divulge.

I, as a human, can continue to love.  That’s all I’m clinging to right now, the love of my life.  The unknown drives me to insanity but I don’t care.  I’m hanging on for him.  For me.  Because he is a part of me. 

Jay is a good person.  He wouldn’t hurt a fly.  He loves kids and couldn’t wait to start a family with me.  As it stands, he may or may not get to be a daddy.  I don’t know.  Nobody does.  What I do know is that I can’t wait to hear his voice on the phone today.  I can’t wait to go visit him on Monday.

I can’t wait, I can’t wait, I can’t wait.  But I have to.  We all do. 

They say I’m a part of their unit.  I am eternally grateful to be near them during this time.

All I have is love.  I love him, no matter what. 

There just aren’t any more words.