I can barely formulate any words besides “I love you” and “I don’t know”. At times I can’t breathe. At times I’m comatose with emotions and being drained- physically and mentally. I’m here with Jay’s mom and sister. They’ve beat me to the punch, posting their thoughts and feelings.
I, legally, cannot divulge.
I, as a human, can continue to love. That’s all I’m clinging to right now, the love of my life. The unknown drives me to insanity but I don’t care. I’m hanging on for him. For me. Because he is a part of me.
Jay is a good person. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. He loves kids and couldn’t wait to start a family with me. As it stands, he may or may not get to be a daddy. I don’t know. Nobody does. What I do know is that I can’t wait to hear his voice on the phone today. I can’t wait to go visit him on Monday.
I can’t wait, I can’t wait, I can’t wait. But I have to. We all do.
They say I’m a part of their unit. I am eternally grateful to be near them during this time.
All I have is love. I love him, no matter what.
There just aren’t any more words.