Driving 101 (as told by Bre)

With winter right around the corner, I thought I’d take the time to act as a Good Samaritan and put out a friendly reminder about driving safety…  Actually, that’s my way of nicely saying “I am so sick of idiots on the road and MUST vent!”  Let us continue, shall we?

ANYONE THAT GETS INTO A CAR:

Wear your seatbelt.

I’m not as crazy about this if I’m a backseat passenger but really, if you’re riding anywhere in the front seat you should have a seatbelt on; it’s not only required by law, it’s basic safety.

For drivers on DRY roads:

1) Do not ride my ass.  This only pisses me off, subsequently prompting me to be the bitch that gives her brakes a hard tap.  Yeah, I’m that girl.  But only if it’s warranted.

2) Use your fucking signals.  Your car was equipped with them for a reason.  Also?  I’ve been in expensive vehicles and have seen with my own eyes that there are, in fact, turning signals in them.

3) The only drivers travelling in the left lane should be those going faster than the drivers in the right lane.  If I have to pass you on the right there’s no guarantee you won’t be able to read my lips in formation of a four-letter word. 

4) The most telltale sign of an idiot is if he (or she) races to a red light.  Morons!  If you go a consistent speed, maybe even slow down a little, you will find that you’re able to coast right through the green light (or something close to that…).  Not only that, it is BAD FOR THE EARTH WHEN YOU SPEED UP ONLY TO HALT QUICKLY!

5) Don’t be a dumbass.  Make eye contact with me at a 4-way stop, wait your turn at said 4-way stop, do not back out of your driveway in front of me and really?  Just be respectful.

For drivers on WET roads:

1) You should not be racing past me if it is either pouring rain or dumping snow.  It’s just not safe and it inevitably pisses me off that  you are putting my safety at risk.  (Melodramatic, aren’t I?  Well!)

2) If the weather is bad, turn on your HEADLIGHTS!  Chances are, if I can’t see you neither can pedestrians and other drivers.  This is basically a respect issue with me.  That, or it taps into my intolerence for negligent people.

3) If it is downpouring or snowing (basically, if the sky is puking out anything which reduces your visibility) GET OFF YOUR F-ING PHONE!  I am a habitual offender of this whilst driving in dry, “normal” conditions however when it comes to tricky situations, I am extremely focused on uh, well, not crashing.

4) In the months of November through April in Iowa you should anticipate ANY kind of precipitation, including snow and ice.  This means you should anticipate your stops, too, bitch and stop fishtailing into my lane!

5) The opposite of stopping is going.  Do not go in front of me when I do not have time to stop.  This is just plain stupid and if it’s some suicide scheme I do NOT want to be involved.  You see, that would then affect my life and that turns it into a homicide scheme and there ya go: your plot is foiled.

Living in a college town I encounter a lot of pedestrians.  Most of them are just as ridiculous as the drivers of this city.  But to be fair…

Pedestrian and Driver Interactions:

Pedestrians:

1) Use crosswalks.  I’m more bitchy about this when there are throngs of idiots walking into the street (on which I am trying to drive) at random and I’m about to nail one and get pulled over. 

2) Make eye contact with the driver.  If you are unsure whether to cross or not, your driver should be the one to let you know.  After all, they are the one with the 1500 pound machinery on their team.  If the driver wants to be an ass and cut through your crossing path let him go.  I’m not saying don’t flip him the bird (because I would)…

3) If you are a cyclist or a runner, I’m begging you to please, please, please wear something reflective if you’re going out at night.  My night vision is terrible and I appreciate those who are proactive about their safety.  (Or else I’m just lazy and want you to flash something at me to prevent me from hitting you… Technicalities!)

Drivers:

One last thing: If it’s rainy or snowy or whatever and you are warm and dry in your car let the pedestrian cross.  It’s just rude for you to be in a rush when you’re not even cold or wet or at risk of getting pneumonia.  At least you’re dry, right?

Parking Lots:

1) Drivers- road rules still apply.  Lights, turning signals, eye contact… Basically, pay attention!  I loathe parking lots because they’re a pit of bad “road communication”… Pedestrians wondering if they should cross, where they should cross, etc… and drivers zipping through the lot, looking for the closest spot, being nonchalant about who they cut off (and later walk into the store right next to the person whose parking spot they stole as if nothing were wrong)… It’s a travesty!

2) Shoppers who use carts: PUT THE GODFORSAKEN THINGS IN THE ‘CART CORRAL’!

3) Parents: If you can’t contain your children on foot then please place them in a cart.  Children darting in front of my car may shorten my life by provoking premature heart failure.  KThanks.

I’m not saying that I’m a fantastic driver or even a great driver.  But I’m a good driver and lately, I’m beginning to think “good” is the new “great”.  I have seen so many people with poor driving skills in the past month that I’ve begun to wonder if the D.O.T. is exhausted from issuing all those new licenses!  (I brought jokes today…)

Safe travels and have a good week everyone!

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2 thoughts on “Driving 101 (as told by Bre)

  1. Miss Britt says:

    One of the oddest things about Florida is that NO ONE puts the carts in the cart corrals.

    No one.

    Ever.

    It’s bizarre.

  2. Selma says:

    Why is it that I always get stuck with the guy in the Subaru Impreza listening to hip hop at full volume while texting and riding my arse? If I suddenly stop he is going right through the windscreen. So many people on the roads are idiots. Sheesh.

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